Cute and Helpless
by magic or manic
Summary: So who's cute and helpless now?
1. Default Chapter

I stand, frozen in time, my hand on the doorknob. I hesitate.

The man besides me puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and squeezes gently.

"Are you afraid to face him? See him again - after all that he did?" His warm British tones envelop me. I remember thinking this man was a prissy coward, a stuck up puffed up whining - whatever. He nearly sacrificed me once to save the day. I resented that - even though he was right to do so. I see that now.

I draw back a bit and look at him. He's a warrior now. Strong and true - and despite the hardness he has acquired, he's also warm and compassionate. His darkness brought him closer to the light. He was trying to save the day in those days - we just didn't give him a chance.

The man who did give him the chance is lost now - trapped somewhere - and his body is controlled by a monster. _Angelus_.

I smile sadly.

"Nervous? Doesn't really express it."

"It's understandable. He terrorized you all and tried to kill you - specifically."

_Hand around my throat. Hot breath in my ear. Fangs so close to my face. _

I give that same sad mirthless smile again. He's wrong - but he thinks he's hit the nail on the head. I'm not afraid to face Angelus. I'm afraid to face me. I'm afraid of the addictive delight that I know will rise up in me when I see him - caged before me - helpless against my great power_. Cute and helpless_. I'm afraid of that - because I know that there is immense darkness in me.

I shake my head. It doesn't really matter. I have a job to do. I mean to do it well.

I open the door and walk down those steps - confident that the sound heralds his doom to him. He's afraid. I know it. Afraid of me. If you had told him all those years ago that he would fear me one day, he would have laughed in your face. Hell, even Angel would have been incredulous.

I stand in front of his cage, trying to beat those feelings of pleasure down. I stare evenly into his eyes. Challenging him.

He smiles. It's cruel smile. Devoid of any warmth.

"If it isn't little Willow. Good to see you again."

I smile back. "I can't say the same for you."

"You've changed."

"So have you. You used to be scary."

He snarls, and rushes against the bars, expecting me to fall back in gibbering terror. I don't even flinch.

"I admit that you're not as helpless as you once were," he says, changing tactics.

Ah. He wishes to praise me. To earn my good favor.

"I heard about what you did - you really did it- you would have done it if you hadn't changed your mind. If that boy hadn't intervened."

I shrug my shoulders.

"Why - why did you try it? Was it the power?"

"It always has been about the power," I say, my voice bored. "You said it yourself - the vampire takes on the personality of the human. Vampire willow was a wake-up call for me. I just was too naïve to see it at the time."

"I didn't say that - "

"What?"

"About the vampire taking on - "

"All right. Angel said it. Same difference. I guess… he didn't really _say_ it either. He implied it. He stopped short- unwilling to commit to that - because he knew what the others would wonder. If it's true, then wouldn't the man Angel once was also be a monster?"

"He was a weak idiot."

"I have a theory - I think Angel is where you get the fuel for your dark urges. Just look at me - living proof that weakness and even innocence can be such a good cover-up for something else."

"So you think Angel is more like me than he's willing to admit?"

"Don't think it, really. Know it. But he has other urges - the urge to be liked and accepted - the call of compassion - these things pull him towards being a better - well - man - if you will. I know this battle. I fight it daily now. I think even then, I felt it. That cloying urge to snap Cordelia's neck in two."

"You and I are a lot alike. We could rule together," he tempts.

"Pffft. I could rule alone. I don't need you." I dismiss him. "Thanks for the offer, but I want you gone. I'm only here to thank you."

"For what," he snarls.

"For making me."

"Making you? Do what? I never made you do anything - except whimper in fear," he laughs. "Do you have some deep dark fantasy that I made you - "

"No. You idiot. You made me. Forged me. Fashioned me. I was powerless - cute and helpless, and if you hadn't killed Jenny, I wouldn't be here. The thing is - I doubt Jenny could have re-souled you. It took real power, and she was just an amateur. You made me what I am, Angelus - you brought this on yourself."

"If I made you then you owe me."

"I didn't ask for this."

"You say you regret it? You say you didn't enjoy beating the slayer almost to death?" He looks at me with sarcastic disbelief.

"Oh - no. I totally enjoyed that."

He's taken aback. "You did?"

"Yes. I did. I didn't lie - being her side man had gotten pretty old. "

"Yes. I hate her too."

"For making you feel human. For loving you."

"Yes."

"I hated her for making me feel human too - for not loving me enough."

"I don't understand."

"We revolved around her - satellites to her heavenly body, and she barely noticed us."

"You were - maybe still are - her best friend?"

"Who are you kidding, Angelus. Even Angel didn't notice me. I was just an afterthought. The most attention I had from him was when he was you."

"And that mattered to you?"

"It's not important. Just get some sleep, sweet thing - don't worry your pretty little head about it. Willow will take care of everything."

He growls again - furious in his impotence. He can't even make the skinny little red-headed girl cry anymore. I look past his childish fit and see the terrified skulking creature that he is - that he always was. I feel nothing - but dark enjoyment. As I had feared. He's cute and helpless, and that's a real turn-on.


	2. Chapter 2

I hear the words fall from his lips as he stands broodingly next to me.

"We need to talk."

I feel his discomfort. Talk. From the silent skulking brooding ensouled vampire.

Used to be a time when you couldn't shut me up around him. He used to make me nervous. Being nervous made me jabber.

I turn and half look at him. Still so big and skulky. He no longer frightens me with his presence.

I am, however, afraid of this talk. _I want her to stay at bay. Don't encourage her. My dark self, as if Vampire Willow and I somehow fused in unholy ... matrimony._

"Willow." I sense a quiet urgency. He thinks I need saving. He thinks he needs to do it.

"Angel. You don't need to thank me. After all, I'm getting a slayer out of the deal." I attempt flippancy even though I know it's a doomed attempt.

"Willow, please. I... you said some things...down there... that ... can't just be left there."

"About what?" If I fake ignorance...

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Now I really am confused.

"Making you."

_Shit._

"I'm... not."

"I guessed that."

"Then why apologize."

"I wasn't. It wasn't an apology. Just a statement of fact."

"You regret ... my... transformation."

"I regret... your darkness."

"I was always dark. Nobody knew. It was there all along."

"You and Buffy - you were so close."

"No. That's an illusion. She needed me... she still does. I'm ever and always her big gun. She never really loved me. After Tara, I can tell the difference."

"You're wrong about Buffy."

"As I grew in power, it became even more obvious. I'm only emotionally useful to her when I'm cute and helpless."

He winced.

"Hey. You said it first."

"_Angelus_ said it."

"Same difference." My voice rises now. Challenging him.

"I'm not Angelus."

"You are. You're also Angel. I'm just having trouble figuring out who said what."

"Right here and now, I have no desire to hurt you. He... always did. Always will."

"Whatever."

"Why don't you see that?"

"Because of _her. _And what I've become."

"She was a sadist."

"So am I."

"She would have caged _Tara. _ Broken her. _Ridden _her. Would you? Did you ever want to?"

Sadness engulfs me.

"No. Never. Never ever." And I'm being honest. It's so easy to be honest about Tara.

"Forgive yourself, Willow."

I shake my head.

"I'm not there yet. Are you?" I look up at him challengingly.

"I... guess...not."

"So then. There you have it."

"What are you going to do then?"

"Save the world. And after? Maybe I'll end it. I don't know."

"Next time you decide to end the world... come see me first?"

I grin at that. He nearly echoes my plea to his friends - the idiots who let Angelus out in the first place.

"Oh, if you insist." But my heart feels lighter. Maybe... maybe there's hope for me yet.


End file.
